Some adult content where Rishabh expains pregnancy. Read at your own risk.
The morning and the ride back
What do you do after reaching a bird sanctuary before the sun wakes the birds? Well ideally you wait and chit chat. Our good friends did the same. However, the subject was not some random chick or college professor or course…… it was Mahabharata.. I know. Don’t ask.They sat at the platform form where the skyline was visible as it turned from dark to faint grey to orange to mild red….. They saw it all. It is not that they hadn’t seen sunrises. They all had. In fact they had been awake so many times together that the charisma of the sun rising beyond the trees in DAIICT had lost its charm. But not today. No…. Today they stood.. I mean sat in full awe as it rose and they talked with the minimum knowledge of the same. Gupta started with the genealogy of the KAuravas and Pandavas. We all know that Kauravas were bad goons who did wrong to the Pandavas. Gupta decided to dig deeper. Frankly, most of us know until Dhritrashtra….. Few know of the family tree beyond him. Gupta boasted of the same as if it were his own family tree.
Prashant added what he knew. In a while the subject shifted to something else. Pregnancy. Yes trust me. In the wee hours of the night Rishabh explained them the intricacies of how to get/avoid pregnancy. Following are the excerpts:
“Dekho. The cycle starts let us say today. So if you have sex today you are fine. But seven days from now it is risky business. Maa ki… bachha ho sakta hai. “ Gupta listened with utmost attention. For some reason he was counting something.
Gupta: “Abe ye batao…for sure pregnant ho sakti hai ladki us din?”
Rishabh was like a teacher to them. He talked glibly about the biology of female anatomy and explained it completely. It involved complex discussion on the movement of semen and fertilization of the egg. The details however can be disturbing for some readers. So we will end with the final line…. ”…..aur kuch jaanana hai?”
All: “Nahi be…. Abhi ke liya itna hi kaafi hai….”
Pratik knew stuff too but was inclined on birdwatching.
“Maa ki….. ye chidiya kab uthengi… Bh****d machhar kitne hain… yahaan…”. Gupta again broke into his uncontrollable laughs. Rishabh twisted his arm and asked for a smoke. Gupta took the pack out and handed it over. The first smoke of the day and sun and friends… what else does one want?
****
The birds came in small groups and as the light dispersed the vast stretch of land shedding away the humid cold Gupta jumped off the platform and stretched. Words cannot capture the stretch because it was a characteristic stretch and wriggle. I however will give it a try in steps:
Step 1: Stand erect and spread your hands as if you are pushing the sky out of earth’s atmosphere
Step 2: Get on your toes and yawn
Step 3: Pull you hair and descend on the floor by a quiet but audible “Ahh!! Fuck Bhen*** …..”
Step 4: Exhale
I am pretty sure I am not able to capture the essence but it sure gives you a high level understanding of how Gupta does it. So where were we? Ahh!! Sunlight. Pratik came down and decided that the place was apt for a photograph. He at a precise 22.5 degrees from the angle of the camera such that the sunlight lit his pretty face and highlighted the features to… (I better stop lest my girlfriend has second thoughts… ;)) Gupta roamed around pulling grass from the land and hurling it high in the sky. I have no clue what he was trying to achieve… Rishabh was finding the perfect spot to be photographed. Prashant photographed the bastards.
Rishabh soon found the perfect place: “Yaar..!! Yahaan se kheench. Click when a fresh batch of birds flow from the horizon and are perfectly in the scape of me and the sky… Ensure that the light is on my face… Click from near the ground…The timing needs to be perfect…” on and on he went…. Prashant listened. Timing ki maa ka bh****…. Photographer samajh rakha hai kya madar****
Pratik: “Hahahaha”… Gupta: “AHHA !!! FUCK BHE*****”…
*****
The birds had been watched. The moist cold had been enjoyed. It was getting warm. Something was amiss. Yes…. Food. Rishabh, let me tell you is a meticulous man. He sets everything perfectly. He wakes up at precisely 6:47 am and takes a dump at around 7:00 am. Rumor has that he never attends a lecture without having breakfast. So the plan was laid. They would be eating at the roadside vendors outside IIM-A. The ride began soon. They bid goodbye to the sanctuary and left. Meanwhile on the way, one of the bikes ran low on fuel. Gupta was riding it. From where the bike stopped, he could see the petrol pump but it was afar. What to do? Gupta thought for a while and lit a cigarette. Prashant looked a little worried. Gupta assured him and took out his phone. Made a call… “Haan be!! Kahaan ho? Hamari gaadi ka petrol khatam ho gaya hai….. Wapas aao”. The other bike rode back and joined them.
Gupta welcomed Rishabh with “Lo sutta pio.” Rishabh denied saying “Nahi be..!! Bahut garmi hai abhi. Kya karna hai?” Prashant and Pratik went to the cigarette kiosk close by and got a bottle of 7 up.
Pratik : “Lo pio madar****on”
Gupta: “Sahi be…!! Diek pepsi ka can nahi tha kya?”
Prashant:”Gupta main gaa** maar lunga”
Gupta:”Tension mat lo be”
Rishabh:”Jaldi khatm karo … hum aage us petrol pump se petrol le aate hain iss bottle mein”
All:”Hmm”
The bike was refueled and the ride began again. This time the stop was scheduled at IIM-A and that is where the heroes stopped. The roads were awesome I remember. They ate like crazy. Poha, omlette, tea… cigarettes. That is what a young body yearns for. They paid the guy and rode back to college. The rest of the journey was uneventful except for the brief minute where they were checking licenses at the circle and our hero Prashant did not have one buy was driving the bike. Gupta subtly asked him to take a right and avoid the cop. It was awesome.
The came back to college by 10 am. Gupta got down from the bike and wriggled in 4 steps as told before. Rishabh decided that his daily bowel movements were already delayed by 3 hours and he could not hold them any longer. Pratik said it was time for his sleep and went to sleep. Just when all were dispersing…..
Prashant asked Gupta… “Kya karna hai?”
Gupta: “Aaao…galle chalte hain”
The end
