Episode 6

…..”Karuna”


He thought for a moment if he did the right thing. But there was no time to contemplate on the judiciousness of the choice. It was time to act impromptu. He tried to recall a lot of things. Scenes from clichéd bollywood flicks, sequences from love stories hitherto unknown to many crossed his mind and he knew almost in an instant what this was all about. Since the day he had understood the chemistry between the sexes he had waited to talk to a girl to win her. Prashant had no clue if he was up to the task but he knew one thing for sure. In the solace of the vacant arts room he would script something unnerving between them. He knew there would be moments more mushy and mellow than this but the beauty of this one moment will remain eternal in its nascence.

“Hmm…??” She turned inquiringly.

And as he looked at her from the distance of around five meters, he felt fearless. Calm. Peaceful.

Prashant was neither worried nor awed by her mysticism today. He was thinking trivial things. The most important agenda on his head right now was if she always wore her hair this way??

And he asked it out aloud.

“Why haven’t you tied your hair in the set of plates as you always do? ”

This was out of the blue. This guy is so reserved and he is so silent and yet he notices the way I comb my hair!! This was irksome. This was odd.

“Ahh!! Well I shampoo-ed my hair today morning. I guess that’s why! ”
“Oww…!!”
“Do you notice ??”

It was a soft sound. The one you can tell from normal dialogue. The one that lets you know “I know what you want to say”. This was nice. Prashant felt comfortable.

Prashant felt the cold of the bench on his butt. From where she was standing she could notice his every move. For some seconds there was an eerie silence.

“So…??” She knew he was too shy to start a proper conversation.

He looked up, scratched his head, adjusted his spectacles, cleared his throat and said
“There’s something I have been wanting to tell you. ” he took some time to gather his voice and continued “This might take some time. Why don’t you sit down ?”

He pointed to two vacant benches in the right corner by the window. As he got up to position himself on the benches his arm brushed hers. It was a momentary touch. Nothing sensuous about it but the lack of purpose made it even more delightful.
This really is going in a purposeful direction. He smiled with innocence.
****************************************

Seated comfortably, he could now see her more appropriately. He felt nervous now. She was staring at him with perpetual enquiring eyes. And he was thinking “Yaar!! Ye nili aankhen marwayengi!!” . he took a moment to realize that this was plagiarism and the punch didn’t fit her eyes either.

“So…??”
He gulped the spit in his mouth and began his first ever proposal.
“Would you be offended if……. I sai..d I find you beautiful??? I mean to say that you won’t hate me if I said I find you attractive..right??”

Lame .Lame.Lame. His inner voice shouted. Something inside shifted. There was uneasiness. This is by far the worst way to open up against your loved one.

Silence. Her eyelids dropped. She looked down on the ground. And she kept looking.

Look up. Look up. For christ’s sake say something . Swear, hit , push, kill, move. C’mon do something . He waited desparately.
But she didn’t!
He followed her move and gazed down on the ground. From the corner of his eye he saw her feet shivering. And before he could react he saw two symmetrical drops glistening in the dreary light from the window, plummet down her golden cheeks down onto the floor.

‘I love her. And she is crying.’

Someone somewhere in this universe smiled and uttered “Ahh!! The miracle of Lava Canyon!!!”


********End of episode***********

Episode 4(The First Big Step)

If you are new to the blog and the story and are wondering about episode 2 and 3..
Follow the link..
Episode 3
Episode 2

Happy Reading!!
*******************************


Walking down the aisle outside the school library, he saw her walking in his direction. When you have hots for some girl, the time taken to cross her when she is coming in your direction is highly critical for your eyes. Human mind is so restless and eyes are always up to show its incompetence at concentrating on the straight path ahead. Prashant wanted to avoid her and also grab her attention. He was thinking of a lot of things…
“Ooh!! Look at me.. Look at me plzzz.. see you have awesome eyes.. Hey wait .. was that a glimpse.. is she tying to say hi?? Man she is going to turn.. no no no wait wait wait.. look look
Yeah she looked.. yeah I am sure she did.. yeah it pretty sure was a glimpse...is she watching me from the corner of her eye..???
Hey is she reading my mind.?? Can girls do that??
Oohh no nono no man I am screwed..
Am screwed am screwed screwed screwed!!!!
I have to change my thoughts right now..
Come on you can do it.. think about Sir Projjwal..naah not him no no
Mom I love you.. I have never told you this but you make awesome tea….
Mom that time I lied to you about the broken window am so sorry ..Please forgive me..
No no no don’t let her know you broke the window…
She can read your mind. Think about it. Is she a ghost??
Ooh she is turning now…. ”
And it was a sad and endless chain.

Somedays later he decided to be a man. Not that he was not a man , but that when he was confronted with her face he usually lost his “man”.

It was august. There was heat in the air and humidity. The bit that can wet your hair enough to make it follow up the line of your forhead which makes girls (quoting Prashant) all the more “desirable”. The first week of August had passed in indecision. To tell or not to tell was the story all over the passing month. There were times when he grew sure of his non-chalance in this matter to the level of giving it up for more noble causes. Yet he clung on to Karuna….
Ooh..!! Only if she could see how my heart bleeds for her..!!
Hark!! Mine eyes cry blood for thy countenance!!
(Please bear with his boring Shakespearean adaptation of his heartly disgusts. Love can do this to you!!)
So, where were we??
August. Yes, august and the first week over. But before I tell you this you are supposed to know some more about the weeks that had passed before. He had decided to confide about his tale in some of his close friends which included Amandeep, Amarjeet , Chandan and many more..(Actually the whole class knew of his on going infatuation). So, there was this guy Amandeep whom he had talked to before confronting his lady-love.
(P.S.:: The following conversation took place on a phone)
“Dude, I just can’t bear this…Its hard to resist”
“What??” (Typical carefree Amandeep)
“Well this subject I told you of…… in the morning recess”(F**ker catch the hint…With mom around the phone most of the time I can’t divulge much)
“Oh!! That girl Karuna?? What about her??..Why use euphimisms???”(You enjoy privacy friend..Whereas I am usually hounded by half a dozen suspicious eyes all the time)
“Aaah….!! If only you could understand!! Anyway.. So I am supposing I should confront the professor about my inability to cope with the subject.”
“Hmm Hmm!! Dude I have to tell you something before you do anything. Whatever you go out to her and say her plzz don’t use such shitty metaphors because you suck at them. BIG TIME!!”
“Thnx Aman, you really help. That was very encouraging. ” he said with grinded teeth
“Haa Haa but make sure you cover up your tracks and make the “professor” understand your “impotence” …. Dude am loving this metaphor game…”
“Ahha you are a gud friend .. very gud friend ” (You son-of-b**** , I will see you tomorrow)
“Are you swearing on the phone.. I can hear it up here.. Well, whatever, have to go out to buy some vegetables. Gud Luck with your “enter-prise” ”
Click.
Over and out.

Now there’s Mom to counter.
“Kya hua ? Having some trouble with your subjects??”
“Nahi.. just the regular.. I will man-age Mom…Don’t worry!!”

He left the room in a hurry.

So, that brings us to the present day. He found himself with a dozen classmates locked in a room on the top floor of his school trying to fisnish work on the class magazine. Amandeep was the highest in the ranks and was probably the chief editor. It was he who had somehow squeezed Prashant in the team and Karuna in the “Art departent”. This way he found himself in closer proximity(yeah.. I get the literal redundancy!!) with her. Today, Amandeep was absent. Remember, the vegetable thing in the telephonic conversation. Yeah he fell down from the bicycle and broke his hand while in the market. Now, how do you do that?? Probably his big head landed on his shoulder. That was the only plausible explanantion Prashant could provide his head with.
Whatever, he was gone and with him gone Prashant was overseeing the Art work and he was handed the articles and color pens when the work was done, for the day. When Karuna was coming towards him he felt restrained from kissing her cheeks. Oh what cheeks. He was trying not to lay his gaze on her and was trying to act “man-ly”. But it was difficult. Sort of impossible. She dropped her share of color pens in his hand and said
“Thank you. bbye”
Now a normal human being must have returned her thanks and it would have all been fine with the world. But he had to put his extra effort and make it stupid. He coughed and cleared his throat and only when she had turned not expecting anything, he said in a firm tone.
“Well the pleasure is all mine and I am happy to be your guest..”(What the f*** , how do you fuck up the only chance to start up a normal conversation with the girl of your dreams??)
She eyed him suspiciously and went towards the door probably half surprised and half shocked.

And when she was about to leave he did something he had never done before.




He called out her name aloud.
“Karuna........”


(……….to be continued)

Their Story (episode 1)

He never knew he would find something this beautiful. It was autumn. Not the “leaves falling everywhere” kind of an autumn , but “just a slight chill in the wind” kind of an autumn. Prashant enjoyed the view from his window. It was the security that he felt in his room behind the books he had to engross his attention into for the forthcoming competitions. He was not lonely. A decent guy with a gist of artistic bent and a notch introvert.

And he saw her somewhere. ‘Where’ is not of importance. He just saw her. You know those things they say about love at first sight. You disbelieve that until you experience some. Karuna was beautiful or so he thought. He never weighed her beauty. He never saw beyond her eyes. They were serene. He always felt they resembled some bollywood actress whose name he could not recall in her vicinity.

********************************

Prashant was getting late for his tuitions. He packed the bag and went out in the lawn running a wild hand and smacking his brother on his forhead. He enjoyed doing this. Not the pain infliction part, but it was the retaliation that he loved the most.
“Whats up jughead?”
Now Prashant’s younger brother was not much of a hit with his academics yet enjoyed the pampering nature of his mother.
“Hey you Blackface, take care of your own studies and stay away from me!”(Ahh!!Spiteful revenge. Got some for the day!)

Prashant cycled fast through the noisy streets of bharatpur to the tuition centre. Pankaj was late as always. He took the seat at the back row before the teacher began spitting some weird content on the beauty of differential equations. See what he hated about maths was not only the equations but also the history behind the under examination equation.

He felt sleepy amidst the constant droning buzz that was filling almost every part of the room.
“And this differential equation was solved under the jurisdiction of Mr.Blah in yeah 1939 when the world war broke out! He was sleeping when he had this dream about the equations arranging themselves in weird set of patterns ………”

“Oh! What the f*** ! Who cares who solved it? And whats so special about this dream. Last night I had a dream about getting laid ! Hope that is symbolic with some f***ing differential equation!”

And he folded his hands on the table and began thinking of Karuna!
“Oh! Karuna……
The love of my life. The fire of my loins….” (Wait a sec! That’s from Lolita!)

Prashant loved dreaming about her. Actually, it was his favorite pastime. See guys, when you are in love or have brought down upon thyself the aforementioned premise you tend to sleep a lot less than you dream. It is one of the rare occasions when you can actually build your own dreams. You see yourself rescuing her from some doomed conspiracy of the universe and find yourself pampering her in some silent corner of the world. She too is returning your favor by rubbing your cheeks and pulling your hair.

“Ohh! I love you so much..!!”
“Hmm.. hmm”
“I wish we could go away to some distant island and live there forever”
Now, you have to understand this. Real love (or in this case alleged love in dreams) is never as clichéd as some bollywood flick.
“Why an island??” she would frown.
“Well….ahh aghh an island is lonely and beautiful and awesome and wonderful ,…..”
See, when you are caught up in a tight situation you tend to use a lot of adjectives….
But she will undo all your effort with one word…
“SO ????”
“Ohh.. Crap…!! This dream is not going the right way.” This is the advantage I was talking about. You can direct your dreams in the way you like.
“Let us start over..”

And once again he would start off with another set of distinct and an equally sucking cliched metaphor for her eyes or lips or….ohh whatever. The point is he would land in the same spot.
Wreckage..!!

Today he was having less drastic dreams about her and he intended to smile in his sleep.
He smiled.
Only to notice a voice echoing through his ears .
“Why are you smiling??... Ohh!! For christ’s sake why are u sleeping??”
Pankaj was amazed at his audacity to sleep in this heat.
“Dude you are sweating like anything!!”
“Ahh its just her love.. Maybe am too full.. You have to know of this dream I was havi….”
And Pankaj cut him short..
“Dude no more of your mellow weird love dreams. I already have enough driving on my tiny ass…”

Prashant smiled. Pankaj did have a tiny ass. Actually he was a tiny guy. He had tiny eyes, tiny fingers, tiny hands and tiny thighs. It was but his accentuated lower lip that was set apart from his whole tiny profile. It stood out like a light-house on a stranded island.
Ahhhh!!! Island!!!!
Prashant smiled intuitively, probably at his own lameness. He was not lame. It was but she who turned him this lame. Meanwhile he got back to the lecture which was sucking sad right from the beginning.
He could not wait to see her again. Probably this time in person!!!
He knew his chances were slim but he was riding his luck. The teacher stopped talking (that was all it was to him!!) soon and they filed and climbed the 17 stairs to reach the surface. Yeah, the room was below the surface but more on that later…..

*********End of episode 1*********

आज रात का अंतिम प्याला

यह विराम की स्थिति नरम हो चली विगत अग्नि ज्वाला,
आज रात बस इतना ही आखिरी मधु अंतिम प्याला,
अपने लालायित अधरों से चूम उठा काली हाला,
मधुवन के सबसे सुरभित कुसुमों से सज्जित ये मधुशाला ||1||

कर रही आज अभिवादन है जाओ अब सूरज निकल रहा,
था झूम रहा कुछ क्षण पहले वो पीने वाला संभल रहा
है जाग रहा है जगा रहा पीनेवालों को यह कहकर
आ गया काल निर्धारित चलें आओ अंतिम प्याला पीकर ||2||

लाल रक्त से दीप्त नेत्र कुछ के ज्यादा पी लेने से,
और लाल कुछ की आँखें है विरह झेलने, रोने से,
फिर भी प्रदीप्त सब नेत्र लिए एक नयी ज्योति कल के हेतु,
एक नयी सुबह एक नयी दिशा में बढ़ें पाँव फल के हेतु ||3||

सारा सुख सब आनंद ह्रदय को बहुत शांति पहुंचाता है ,
और मेघ सम चढ़ता है तब नेत्रों पे छा जाता है,
और बरस पड़ता है फिर वो नर की कोमल आँखों से ,
ज्यों गिरते पंख परम आह्लादित एक मयूर की पांखों से ||4||

कुछ उसी तरह साड़ी रजनी आमोद मनाने पीने से ,
उस पर दिनकर का अकस्मात ले उषा सामने आने से,
मूर्च्छा त्यागी सबने कैसे पीने वाले सब दंग हुए,
क्या हुआ, हुआ कैसे सपने बच गए मध्य में भंग हुए ??5??

यह अंतिम पात्र गरल का है यों इसे नहीं जाने देना,
मत बीच स्वयं के और मधु के तुम कुछ भी आने देना,
पूरा आनंद उठाना रात का अंतिम पहर है बीत चला,
नर की भारी इच्छाओं का विश्वास भुवन को जीत चला ||6||

लो आ गयी सुबह चले सब मतवाले अपनी धुन में,
कुछ यादें लिए रात की, कुछ सपने लेकर कल के मन में,
हैं अरुण नेत्र सबके किन्तु मुख पर श्रान्ति का नाम नहीं,
अधरों पे सबके गीत यही "जय मिले बिना विश्राम नहीं " ||7||



This was composed during the final days of my high school and tries to compare the moods of a school leaving kid with a man who is about to leave the bar where he has spent the entire night being intoxicated.

Autobiography of an Analog Signal

P.S. : The following was done as a part of my electronics assignment during the fourth semester of my Undergraduate program at DA-IICT. It explains the working of a pipelined ADC(analog to digtal converter) using some non-technical support.

I never wanted to be a digital signal. Even the thought of being a digital signal used to send chills down my spine. It is not that I was born so. For once, not all was only “ones” and “zeroes”. I was born a healthy analog signal in a family where the emotional quotient of an analog signal ran quite all through the entire family tree. During those days no digital signal inhabited the planet. All was prim and proper with the earth. We lived one big family of sine, cosine, square waves and various other of our kind walked the face of the earth with no fear whatsoever. Until one day……

**********************************
It still is a hazy memory. They say humans have various emotions and that they can distinguish the variety of fraudulent and inhuman behaviors. That they can experience pain and pleasure. It is amazing. I have heard about humans a lot. But more on that later….

So, now the planet was happily prospering and it was the day when a new signal was born to Mr Sine x and Mrs Cos x. They quite rightly called it “little tan x”. We were having a little party in the compound and I was amazing everyone with my curves and high frequency. Old Marty and his wife stood by the marquee and were sipping lemon tea from a small drinking glass that every old couple in the neighborhood had managed to lay their hands upon and they all looked like the members of one big band drinking from the brightly colored glasses. Old Marty had undergone an amplification last night. It was because of the constant sleepiness he experienced almost all the time. He looked quite active and showed no resilience in expressing his dislike towards the champing and chafing kids.

Just then dad ran in shouting the arrival of some creepy creatures from outer space. See, now we were kids at that time and were quite shocked at seeing creatures which were twice as big as us and were composed of long lines of two different sizes. They looked like a fresh pack of chocolates just brought out and wrapped in the colored robes spelling curses and firing at us with their big guns. They talked in weird noises and called each other with numbers. We froze at site while some ran in the direction they felt suitable. I stood looking at the violence. I saw a big “24” with a gun approaching me and all I remember is a deep blur…….

That was the first time we were exposed to the infamous “binary signals”. We had heard a lot about them. They were insensitive and lacked emotions and were like machines and all that they “thought” ,”wished” and “wanted” was expressed using two digits “0” and “1” and that they were on a spree to convert every signal to the digital format. Surprising huh? They say even humans have become emotionless these days. I wonder at the fate of the place.

So, on it went for some days. Analog signals from various nooks and corners were brought in big and small numbers. None was petitioned a leave. They were bundled up in cold, dark rooms where they wept their hearts out to a uniformed guard “38” who could not but stare at the foolish sensitivities of ours. And so the days went on till one day there was a lot of noise in the concentration compound.

We were allowed light and we looked for the first time at our perennial fate. They were big white plastered machines of various specifications. They had different numbers inscribed on them in bright red font, the one that you get when there is blood spilled all over a clean surface. Some said “1 bit”, “2 bit” and so on. I felt dizzy. Apart from that, we saw an acronym inscribed on all the machines, just above the red font in bright green. It said “A. D. C.” in a clear and crisp tone.

I don’t know if it was the nonchalance of the guards or a very confounded state of ours that took a toll on me and I fainted. When I gained some consciousness, which I think is attributed to the reeking deluge of some chemicals inside the big white A.D.C. ,I was queued up at the edge of a conveyor belt that carried us along a slope to a square plate with almost conspicuously shining neon signs that said “Sample and Hold”.

Further down the line were various triangular metal machines crunching the already engulfed signals and spitting a transformed one of the same. It seemed devastating and I looked inquisitively at what was about to be my future, not knowing when will I see light again and in what form. And, just when I was speculating the further course of action and contemplating about the past, a sudden jerk set me in motion. Falling almost freely on the slope made me vomit. It went along for some time this way and then finally I was stopped at a junction. The aforementioned “Sample and Hold” was the junction. It held me constant for some time as if calculating my weight or something . but that is how I was held for sometime before being once again sent down to another junction.

I finally reached a forked road. I don’t know if you will believe me or not but I saw an exact replica of mine move along one side and myself move the other side. I saw two almost similar constructions ahead facing each other with their backs turned towards each other. I know my credibility about those moments can be considered doubtful but I can vouch for the same. As soon as I entered the first small structure I saw a brilliant flash of light. There were various resistors arranged in a line with a voltage supply maintained at the head of the top resistor.

They were held vertically in the compartment and I could see that there were long wires emerging from the junction of every two resistors and a small funnel at whose node I was installed and along with the emerging nodes , I was passed into the triangular structures called “op-amps”. Now these were hefty circuit elements, and being passed through those should not be seen as some joke. There were various elementary elements inside the “op-amp” including capacitors and resistors. It was like a big miz-maze where a nine year child will get easily lost. But, I held on. I could observe that the “op-amp” was actually giving out outputs in the form of the fearful 0 and 1 based on the difference between the voltage wire from the resistor node and myself. I could not recognize myself when I came out. I was almost like the tormentors who had inflicted the aforementioned pain on our family. I was only recuperating when we were shoved in another compartment that looked similar to the previous one from the outside. Inside there were current elements with various switches controlling their flow.

My body which now looked like a digital signal, was used to control the switches. I felt like giggling, not knowing the future that lay upon me. I had not initially noticed that just before entering the second compartment, another funnel had filtered a replica of mine to the outside of the entire structure. I couldn’t but feel amused at the prospect of being at various places in one time.

Inside the second structure, I was rebuilt to more or less what I still despise to become. Coming out of the second structure I saw my self. Yes, I am not kidding. The replica that had deserted me at the forked junction, joined me only to proceed into another of those hefty and terrifying op-amps. I looked at how I was and what I had almost become. The op-amp’s inner compartment was no more a surprise. I had undergone the anguish already and it was only what new the op-amp had to offer. This one subtracted me from my original replica and it amplified us.

I was exhausted. I don’t know when I fell asleep. I only remember that the cycle that I had mentioned went on for various times and I woke up only after I felt a very bright source of natural light. I was out of the terrifying A.D.C. I reconciled my senses just to be met by my acquaintances, turned into the same form that we had collectively hated since the dawn of the time, “a freaking Digital signal”. And since then have been this way only to fortell the tale of our woe to the living humanity.

They say even humans faced some guy named Hitler who wanted to refine Europe. He killed all the jews. We are lucky. At least, we lived only to see our woe, which we don’t experience. Above all, we, digital signals don’t feel.

A Song for lovers......

The rain will go sometime,
The pain may stay,
The sunlight is sublime,
The dark may make way.

I might forget the numbers,
Or the articles someday,
I might as well remember,
The tree beside the bay.

I might forget your smile,
I may most likely forget,
When you slapped my left cheek,
And I sat staring, imbecile!

All this may never come,
We may all stay intact,
I may come back from work,
And I would cook for you, infact!

Either way the swing of time,
Either way the sway of sands,
I will stare at a couple
Of eyes ; and think ……..
…....about this rhyme, EVERYTIME!